Gone Writing – Day 38

Almost 200 years ago Felix Mendelssohn wrote “Every day … I am more sincerely anxious to write exactly as I feel, and to have even less regard than ever to external views; and when I have composed a piece just as it sprang from my heart, then I have done my duty towards it…”. His words were quoted in a Brainpickings article about artistic integrity, a website I frequently visit on my procrastination tours.

Where I would never compare myself to an artistic genius like Mendelssohn his words do resonate with me, because the book I am writing now is one that I write exactly as I feel and one that comes from my heart.

I realize that the locations and pictures might have given a different idea but it’s been a hard and mostly sad journey, this Gone Writing tour. I had started the story a couple of times back in Amsterdam but never got it right, never could write it exactly as I felt. The story never let go, though, it kept pressing and pushing and I knew that some day I had to get away from everything to be able to write it from my heart without letting external views hold me back. I’m glad I did even if it makes me sad most of the time. To me the sadness means that I have done my duty towards it.

I’m about to write the final chapters of the story and in spring I will go back to San Francisco for the rewrite. Until that time my protagonist keeps practicing her mother’s smile, which she never got right.